arcadia28 | Recent Entries

The other day, i was thinking about kids. And it made me want one. My own, not adopted. Don't get me wrong, i want to adopt. I think my baby clock is starting to tick, ha!

Financially right now, it's not possible. As it would mean me being out of work for basically a year. I want to save up before that to tide me over. I think other than that, we would be fine. I want ideally be married beforehand, but, the older i get the harder it's going to be for me being higher at risk of miscarriage again. Weddings can be done at any age really with no bearing of the state of someones health. For me, it's a nice ceremony. But me and ben already have a marriage pretty much, we don't really need a piece of paper telling us so lol. We will have a wedding at some point, but it's not as important. It's one of those things you can move around. I do want to be able to drive and have a car, so that is my plan at the moment. Next year i start my lessons :)
As driving will open up more job opportunities as i can get driver jobs, and/or jobs abit further afield than now.

I was watching sabrina the teenage witch earlier, on some girly kids channel, and it reminded me of my childhood, and then with the adverts, it kinda gave me an small insight into watching and playing games with my kid(s). Also lately, i've noticed a change in my attitude towards children, i'm not afraid or repulsed by them anymore. I like them lol. Which is odd. And babies have become sooooo uber cute. Which is definently strange, as i tend to think babies are bland and/or fugly! so.... yeh, grown up changes. wow.

Current Mood: chipper

I think writers are lucky. We're able to get lost in our own story fantasies we imagine in our minds. There is nothing quite like having a spark of an idea for a plot-line, then building upon it with characters and a timeline where everything falls naturally into place. A bit like a jigsaw puzzle. And the thrill of when it all starts to come together, and you just wish so hard it could be real. And then you want to, just from time to time, open up your mind to people so they can watch the stories in your mind unfold, to share them. But it's not possible, so we write what we see instead. Hoping that we can help people imagine what we do, or even better, to inspire them with what they imagine for themselves.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: peaceful

I think the cosmos is telling me to go back to bed today lol, earlier i took my melatonin tablets which are designed to help me fall asleep, instead of my migraine tablets by accident. I've never done that before haha. Oops. So now i'm in bed... Early.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: crappy

I've done an updated add-me entry, because it upset me that i was misunderstood as being harsh and demanding - it wasn't my intention. Is this coming across now? :/

my horizon lies a jagged line,
oh i can clearly see,
the mountains that i've yet to climb,
i'll get there if it kills me.

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: young guns - weight of the world

Hi, i've posted on here a short while ago introducing myself and i got some lovely lj friends from it who are awesome.

As much as i'm proud of the adversities they go through unfortuently some entries have become a trigger for some bad memories.

My triggers drugs, depression and manic depression and eating disorders.

I also have autism which means communication is sometimes hard and i can come across as being blunt, uncaring, etc. but its actually the opposite, i care too much and want to help everyone around me to be happy and ok, so its hard to accept i can't always do that and consequently it makes me worry a lot which doesn't really help anyone lol.

I don't mind being friends with people who do suffer from those 3 things, aslong as they don't make them public entries. I know some people like to be able to relate and talk about it, but it just makes me upset or in the drugs case, annoyed, the only exception is if its medicinal.

Aside from this i put in my journal rants and raves from time to time lol but mostly they're nice entries about things i've done. I read all my friends entries on a daily basis and comment when i feel i have something to say. I'm a writer with an interest in photography, sewing, knitting and jewellery making. I have a rare sleep disorder, which prevents me from working - hence a lot of hobbies :) i have a varied range of pets and am engaged to a wonderful guy :)

I have been through a lot of bad stuff in the past and have been lucky to come through I've all, not without its scars though, but i'm enjoying the long awaited light at the end of the dark tunnel.

So, comments, adds are all welcome. Recently i've been called an asshole, ignorant and uneducated because of all of this, so it'll be interesting to see what happens now i've made this entry explaining a bit. There a more personal view explaining the history behind it that you're welcome to read if you like.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: disappointed

Wow, i just got called ignorant and uneducated :s

Haha. Erm. I don't think so. I love how its always the people who ARE ignorant and uneducated that always seem to think that other people are and they're not.

Here's why: i don't like reading on my lj about people cheating on other people. Its just not nice.

And i don't like reading about people enjoying drugs. I get that some people struggle with addictions and i sympathise with that. And also someones who's trying not to do it anymore. But from going out with two people who did weed, they fucked up my relationship with them by being jack asses when they were stoned. And the same with mu friends, when they're gone out with druggies they've all suffered because of it.

I've had depression in the past and it's not something i want thrown in my face day after day, it just rehashes it all up for me. I know people can't help it and we all experience from time to time, but after a while it does grate on you. I'm not meaning to be offensive so i'm sorry and kudos to those who are trying to make themselves come through the fog :) you go guys!
My mum is also bi-polar and i've had to deal with that all my life and with it she would turn from being fine to crying and getting angry with me over nothing an i would get hit around and called every name under the sun and when its all over, she would have memory lapses of what she did.

The 3rd and last thing was weight, i think you're beautiful, honestly and i don't think a single of you guys need to go on a diet. If you were clinically obese then yes, it's certainly a great idea, but you don't need to be a certain size to be beautiful and happy, you just need confidence :) and to realise how perfect you already are. I've been anorexic in the past due to childhood trauma some of it mentioned above and i really salute those who are trying to battle it and i do try to motivate people when they're struggling sometimes isn't want they want and i back off. But it's always to try and help support you in your fight.

All of this apparently makes me a ignorant, arrogant and uneducated, so, friends, romans, countrymen, does it?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: cranky

Is it bad that some nights i just want to sleep alone?

Seriously!

I have trouble sleeping (big surprise :p) and ben does. So consequently he's asleep way before me and he snores, an breathes heavily... Loudly. He also flings his arm about which ALWAYS collides with my head. And he rolls up ALL the duvet around himself leaving me with none. Which is annoying!

To make matters worse it takes me a long time to fall asleep and i get restless, tossing and turning. And i don't like people facing me in bed because i don't like the feeling of their breath on my skin. It makes me tetchy to say the least. So a lot of the time i have to wake him up to turn over which creates a lot of hargy bargy!

And then theres the sweating and the overheating problems!!

Some nights i just tell him to go in the living to sleep on the couch lol and not so shockingly i fall asleep faster. Sadly he gets all aireated about being kicked out of bed he cant get back to sleep, making me feel guilty the next day. Then when he goes back to his flat, i actually breathe a sigh of relaxed relief and go to sleep easier with the comfort of the whole bed and all the duvet to myself. Bliss.

Possible solutions:
Ear plugs
Sleeping bags
A straight jacket
A separate bed

Likelihood that any of these possible solutions will take place: 2%

Ugh.

They said it changes when the sun goes down
Around here

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: arctic monkeys - when the sun goes down

I am both an original story-writer and a fan-fictioner.

My stand point on this is that, where George R.R. Martin says that fan-fiction is a lazy way of making creating your own story, it is actually very difficult if you're trying to stay true to the original storylines aswell as fixing in your own twist to it. I think you can use fan-fiction as a way to voice your own interpretation on the story and also it's a good way of trying out different genres.

For a fictional writer to say 'i can't stand people writing fan-fiction about the stories i write', it's a silly way of saying 'i don't want fan appreciation'. If fans didn't appreciate you, then you would have fans, and then your books would not sell....

Common sense really.

I commend and encourage people to try writing fan-fiction as a handy writing tool and exercise, because you have to put into a lot of thought and effort to make it work. After all writing is a craft.

With my original stories, when they get published (am working on this, one is being edited and then published soon) i would love to hear that people are creating their own stories from it, and i would also love to read them and prehaps help people explore the art of writing fiction. Aslong as they didn't then try to publish and make money from the fan-fiction as that would be plagiarism.

I would love to hear your fan-fiction ideas :)

Current Mood: optimistic

I got my assessment letter yesterday for the employment and support allowance, i have to go on the 2nd of may :(

luckily it's in the afternoon and it's nearer than wimbledon like last time :/
it's in Guildford. Bens getting the day off to take me.

Unfortuently it's the same day of his fast track course induction, and if he misses it, he has to wait 3 months till the next one. He's been told to apply for other jobs seeing as he's so unhappy there. Apparently some audit lady told his boss that his boss is being let down by his two assistant managers (that's ben and some other guy), in truth it's ben who holds up the store as his boss and the other guy do nothing and leave it all to ben.

There's a position open in a pet store near to me that's looking for a manager, and i'm encouraging ben to apply for it. I know he hasn't done his course to be a store manager, but god knows he's got the experience. He really needs to get out of there.

So i'm focussing on helping ben, instead of worrying about this assessment.

I'm interested to see if they can find me some suitable work, like working from home or irregular hours.
I'm going with that frame of mind.

The scent of Thyme carried on the wind,
stings your face into remembering
cruel nature has won again.

Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: pj harvey - on battleship hill

Well, i did the test, it came out negative :)

Which is a good thing really lol, i still don't really wanna ever get pregnant, i want to adopt instead.

What do you guys think the dreamt might've meant?

Also FYI, i loved my friend, like...lover love type thing. And am quite protective of her.

Current Mood: calm

I had a dream last night that my friend was pregnant and was giving birth, and i was pregnant and was there for my first ultra-sound. Oh course when i say 'there' i mean to say at a hospital/clinic.

She was really nervous, and i helped her through it and stayed by her side and held her hand when she cried.
And there was an oven and the doctor was putting things from her into the oven to rise, like cookie dough. And she was really happy.

Then when it came to my turn, they couldn't find the baby and i ended up with the doctor trying to sexually assault me and try to get me to move to wimbledon :s because that's where his sun moved to and he was real happy. My friends ended up saving me and i woke up.

When i looked up what all that meant, it said that women in the second trimester dream about being pregnant and giving birth and about it going wrong. And women in their first trimester dream about little furry creatures (i've been dreaming of furry creatures in the last 3 months...)

I am a bit confused though, i mean ok, so my boobs have gotten a little bigger, but the rest of me hasn't. I duno...i'll do a test later, i bet it comes out negative. Saying that, the last time i dreamt i was pregnant, i was drowning a baby and that is supposed to mean miscarriage. The next day i started bleeding and had a miscarriage (i didn't know i was pregnant at the time).

So erm...watch this space?

You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: muse - unintended

Ok, i posted this on fb and god no response (fb is for zombies) soooo, im gonna ask you guys because you're so much cooler and hotter ;D

i'm writing an article for an online magazine (this is what i do now, go me), about awesome unusual pet names, i've already made a list, but i want to include 'other peoples suggestion' at the end to pad it out and spice it up abit, SO does anyone have any suggestions? :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

In no certain order:

Drugs
Homophobia
Sexism
Agism
Racism
Cheaters
People who commit crimes
People with anti-social behaviour (that do it on purpose)
Suicide
Attention seeking
Snobbery
Bullying
Cruelty to animals
Arrogance
People who try to help themselves and just end up moaning constantly about how crap there life is.
Fashion slavery
Child slavery
Weightism

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

This is the last night in cornwall before i go home tomorrow morning. It's really sad to think we'll be leaving, i do like it here. The scenery is really nice and i like his parents (especially his mum, she's awesome). I'm starting to get to know the area too, things are becoming familiar and i know vaguely how to get places.

His mum said to me yesterday as i was making an owl cushion (photos coming soon) that she wished we lived nearer because then we could have craft days together, which really touched me. :)

And it started to make me think about living in cornwall. So ben, out to depress himself and out of curiousity, had a look to see what was available job wise around. He wants a job that will pay enough to support the both of us comfortably. He found an ideal job for himself in cornwall, in a pets at home store. Which is basically like a biiiiig chain pet supermarket. He really likes spending time on those stores, and it would've paid really well. But it was a position to be a manager, and he's only a assistant manager at the moment and he hasn't completed his training course with screwfix to be a branch manager. When he's completed that, then he can look for manager roles in different shops, but until then he can keep and eye out for branch manager position and apply for them with screwfix and his training would just follow him as it's the same company. But there's no suitable paying positions available atm :(

I am tired of my hometown and do want to move. But i know i would miss a lot of things and a lot of people aswell.

But ben did tell me today that if he managed to get a job like the manager role in pets at home, he would be able to afford to pay for me to be able to drive and have a automatic car (as they're easier for me to use). It really brightened up my outlook of my future. Bless him. He said to me "That's why i've been telling you don't assume that our future will be bleak and nothing will change, because it will. So don't worry! You will be able to drive one day, we'll try what we can."

I'm super glad and happy i'm marrying this guy :D

We even looked at properties that are for sale around cornwall, couldn't find anything in his pay bracket for the moment.

I've started to make a knitted patchwork blanket, i have 3 squares so far lol. And i've brought a whole load more wool today. The lady in the shop let me have a couple of loose beads for free, to help set me on my way with jewellery making. I have all the stuff waiting for me at home to crack on with it. So, yay, looking forward to that.

Went to the chocolate factory today, i looooove their chocolate so nice. They do chocolate covered marshmallows!!!!
And i got a small easter egg from there too. YUM!! They mix the milk choc with the white choc, to create a marbling affect. So delicious!!

Current Mood: accomplished

My birthday yesterday didn't start off so well sadly due to my mum waking me up by ringing my phone to have a go at me about bin bags. Yes - bin bags!! She couldn't find any to empty out the dirty sawdust in the guinea pig cage. So i asked ben and he said that there should be some under the sink. No. None there. So he said oh, we must be out of them then :( and she went BALLISTIC! "why didn't you check before you went away...you should've checked....they're going to have to be left till you come back, rarr rarr rarr blah blah blah"

Well... I just hung up on here then. I was half asleep and the last thing i wanted to hear upon waking up on my day of birth was my mum having a row with me about bin bags of all things!!

Before i went away i really struggle with my sleep disorder, worse than ever, i didn't know when i was going to sleep and wake, much worse than normal where i can kinda gage what part of the day/night i will. When i was younger i was able to come off the melatonin when my sleep pattern slipped and let it advance round to a more suitable part of the day/night to wake/sleep in. But because I've been taken melatonin for so long and i was stressed out by worrying, it wouldn't advance round, it just jumped all over the place.

Luckily it sorted itself out by sunday when i left to come here in cornwall.

But during that 1-2 weeks i couldn't do much, ben pretty much did it all - cleaning the flat, looking after the pets, packing, making sure i was eating right or even eating at all at one point, getting the shopping an pet supplies, etc. all of this whilst working shift work. I did what i could, but ben did the bulk. So i was quite impressed we only forgot the one thing.

Apparently though, it was two things because the heat light in the lizard tank had blown and we should've got a spare in just in case...

That could've been said for many things like, best get a spare fridge in in case my current one broke whilst away (!) but apparently that was being silly... O.o

So anyway, that set me in a bad mood for the first half of the day. I got some lovely presents though all cath kidston and cats themed which was quite funny when opening them all lol.

And then the mines we were going to, shut on saturdays!!! The one day out of the whole week and it had to be that particular day!! The ooonly day!!

So we went to the aquarium instead which was really good, we got to see some really weird and wonderful fish AND a couple of crocodiles and a turtle. The sharks were kool and the octopus and omg i love jellyfish and i got to see some baby ones, omg they were so cuuute.

Then afterwards we went into town and i got a few bits and pieces, including some wool. So am currently knitting a patchwork blanket :)

Also i must. Thank everyone for their lovely bday messages, they really cheered my up yesterday morning, damnit i love you guys!!

Say the first thing that
Comes into your head when you see me
If it looks like it works and it feels like it works
Then it works
With the sun on your face
All these worries will soon disappear
Just follow me now

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: snow patrol - wow

Its me birthday todaaaaay and bens cat woke me up with its squawking at the door, gahhh. Had a good dream though where i sang on an outdoor stage to the public, twas nice :) anyway i'm off down a mine today :) whoop. I also made a stuffed owl yesterday which bens mum did most of the work on lol it was really fiddly. But i did some of the. Cutting and sewing, and, and... The picking out of the fabric, yehhhh!!

And ive just noticed ive been friends cutted by someone today, oh how rude - i must be boring lol oh well, love you guys *huge hug*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Current Mood: pleased

I'm in sunny cornwall.

I've been struggling with 'being normal'. I don't know if bens parents know that i've been suspected as having autism. Or even how they would react to me if they did. His sister is a nurse who has worked with children who have autism.

But basically i'm bit uncomfortable at the moment, because i'm on tiptoes around them, trying to not say anything wrong or weird.

Some of you may think i'm being silly but well....when i first met his parents, i came down to cornwall to spend christmas with the family and upon watching the nativity, i blurted out that i thought jesus was actually an alien in disguise like E.T. just with better camouflage.

...His mum is a devout christain. I can still picture bens face now. Thankfully that hasn't put her off me lol and it's now become something to bring up and joke about with ben and our friends.

But i was so mortified when ben told me afterwards.

And i find it hard understanding his dad and i don't know how to talk to him. And sometimes i think i offend him when he speaks to me and i don't respond - it's only that either i don't hear him, understand him or don't know he's talking to me. I'm quite timid around them. And also worry that they think i'm weird or rude.

Generally because i don't look someone in the face when i talk to them and i prefer to hide upstairs and be by myself, to be myself, to relax. Because it's like being in a very uncomfortable shoe that doesn't fit you properly, but you got to wear it. And at the end of the day all you want to do is take it off and slip into a comfy pair of slippers that are moulded to your feet.

Normally i just follow ben around like his little shadow, but occasionally he goes off with a parent and i'm left behind with the other.

I also have a horrible habit of not knowing when to start and finish conversations and how to start/finish convos.

But thankfully, a lot of the time we go out and do various stuff like feeding the squirrels in the woods or going to touristy places, etc.

Food time is probably the worst, as i'm a fussy eater. I do try new foods, but when i don't like it, i can't then finish eating it otherwise it makes me feel sick.

Any tips?

Put your brave face on
The one you wore when you stole my heart
Won't you hold my hand
We'll jump together into anything that could
Possibly happen

Current Mood: anxious
Current Location: delta goodrem - brave face

Munchie has been getting a bit of a fan-base recently, you can add her on fb, https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002258481117 (link as promised)

Current Mood: pleased

This is my other cat molly. Or as we have come to call her Morry or Morriarty. Shes just over a year old now, we've had her since jan, but shes very quickly established herself in the home and family. Shes a calmer alternative to munchie... Except for when you have food.

Shes a gannet and will pester for food. She sticks her tongue out to meow.

At bedtime she has a routine, when I'm in bed and I'm reading a book with my knees bent, she comes and snuggles up to me on my tummy where she will then fall asleep purring.

This is the only time during the day she will purr.

She is obsessed with bread and have caught her at a packet of bread rolls with her biting away the plastic and eating the roll. This happens frequently. Only just last friday did i catch her skulking out of the kitchen with a pitta bread roll hanging from her mouth.

My only question is, why bread?

Its like with munchie, shes not a huge fan on meat, but she adores fruit. :s

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Ehehe had to be done :D
This is my very dignified and very floppy cat munchie.

I say shes floppy as she just like flopping herself down anywhere, like when shes on her scratching post she gets to the point where she cant be bothered to do that standin up so she anchors herself to the post and flops down to continue. When we pick her up, other cats may complain and go rigid, but she purrs and folds up into compact munchie form lol. She also enjoys car journeys - i kid you not!

And she has a proper curly tail that curls round into a spiral when shes happy. She also likes to pretend that shes a squirrels and puffs up her tail and runs up the side of doorways for fun.

She is fascinated by baths, especially bath water - she drips her paws in and also drinks it.

And shes half the size of my other cat, despite her being a year older. She doesnt meow properly either she meows like this:

Purp purp new, purp bip bip

It is rather adorable and also very much easier on the ear than Mollys MEOWWW!! *repeat until desired effect*

Also munchie has a crush on the lizard, if molly dares to go near her, she knocks her away and blocks all access. And she loves to watch ben feed her the crickets - she sits on his shoulder to watch very patiently.

Bless her :)

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arcadia28

November 2012

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Arcadia

A Thousand Years, Remembered

Recent Entries

Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

Where The Story Ends

Slipped Away

Weight Of The World

Hi. Part 2 [decode]

Mercy

When The Sun Goes Down

Fan-fiction: Love Or Hate

On Battleship Hill

Just The Way You Are

Unintended

(no subject)

Things i'm against

Together

Wow

Someone Wake Me Up

Brave Face

The munchie fanbase

(no subject)

Urrrrggggh

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November 2012

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