Arcadia

and jealous

and i know i sound selfish in this journal, but damn it im gonna rant. it happens time and time again. i dont want to get pissy every time buck goes out with his friends, but in all honesty, im jealous, because whenever that happens im always stuck at home. while hes out having fun with his friends. and then i get mad at him for being depressed coz hes always pestered to go out and blah, no one undertsnads him blah. feel so alone in a crowd, blah, YEH?? FUCKING LIVE AT HOME SINCE YOU'RE SIXTEEN AND HAVE ALL YOUR FRIENDS LEAVE HOME AND NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. that may have come across as being angry at hime for moaning, but its not. everyone copes in different ways to their own *petty* problems. and yeh i may sound like im the only one allowed to have problems, but fuck it, its my rant i can damn well say what i want to.

i have mr-lost-soul-of-norwich out clubbing with his mates. drinking. being merry with all his looovely friends till 4 in the morning, possibly later......WHILE IM STUCK HERE LISTENING TO MY DAD SNORE AND GIVING DATING ADVICE TO ANDY.

then i have today redhill sso ring me up saying theyve found my form but unfortuently its too late for them to process it....and i need to complete the form over the phone as the one that they sent is practically useless. so i ring up this new claims department, and im left on the phone for 2 hours waiting, i felt like bashing the phone against the wall, finally i get an answer from someone who sounded like she was on drugs, taking details and generally not knowing what the fuck shes going on about, so anyway she said that she needs to get someone else to take more details and theyd call me back, so she starts checking dairies, then lo behold! she calls me back saying that someone will ring me on 31st of may to complete the forms, questions like work, courses, volunteer work, i couldve saved her the trouble right ther and then, IVE DONE BUGGER ALL FOR YEARS COZ IM SICK YOU DUMB ARSE FUCKER!!!!

then i ring buck and he plays silly buggers and tried to do a prank on me by making me think i had dialled the wrong number.....*raised eyebrow* not a wise mood. i could hear him gulping through the phone to me. he knew what was coming, the rant about the crappy day...oh but i havent told you all about it yet... oh no, thers more. this is your ultimate shitty day coming to you.

yeh so anyway after the rant to buck i had my mother pop her head round my door, shame it werent through, but maybe some other day maybe. and say that she forgot to buy my chicken burgers so thers only this old mouldy weight watchers microwavable shepherds pie. it looks and taste worse than economy versions from any shop know to humainty. my cat wouldnt eat it....so i dragged mum out, i think one look of my face and she knew....today was not the day to disagree with me. especiall with new neighbours next door.

so in sainsburys got vimto, yum, then found the masses of ques EVERYWHERE!!! so i had to weight in a line for the baskets, with just one item while ppl in front had whole basket fulls overflowing with junk. then one of them turned around and said hi, it was emily from nacro. i think i scared her with my cynicism of todays events and actually this years events. summed up in 4 words: IVE BEEN TO HELL!!!

and im still in a bad mood. i tried rining buck but he couldnt hear me in his looovely club he was in with all his mates. i felt likecrying out of lonliness. and he wouldnt shut up. and then i tried ringing mike, but he wouldnt pick up, tried ringing sarah, same dealy. so now, imtlking to andy and mike. *sigh*
its like these nights where i start thinking about commiting myself into an ayslum.