I got some bad news today
I rung up a disability advisor, well actually 2. They both backed up what i've been told in the past and what i expected recently.
There is not help for me, for people in the same situation as me.
When me and Ben live together, i would be financially dependent on him. All my independence and dignity has been taken from me. All because i have a disability.
It's funny in a bitter way, when you silence people with the injustice, on the phone. When they're sposed to have all the answers, and then they find that they haven't. You get told that they're really sorry, and that they agree that it is wrong, but they have no power to change the rules they're set. This is such a cliche - but - this is the governments fault.
In a country where we speak about equality and diversity - this stops at disabilities. We live in a dictarship, where people like i are dictating on how we live our lives.
What bites is that i see people with dreams that they can achieve, if they just set their mind to it. I see people falling in love, living together, getting married, having children. I see people learning to drive, and passing driving tests and getting their first cars.
I feel that i am standing in front of a door in a very long corridor, and i can't turn round to go back, i need to open the door. Then i find out it's locked and i don't have the key.
What do you do?
You do the impossible, you make a new door, you punch a hole in the wall and climb through.
I will not let this get the better of me. I will not let this stop me from living a life.
I don't want to let this 'kill' me.
This is my list on a new life i am designing for myself. I am going to do the things that limit other people.
1. Get on tv
2. i'm going to go on a spontaneous journey around britain. Going from hotel to hotel, taking photos.
3. I'm going to get a tattoo - on my face
4. I'm going to dye my hair crazy colours
I need help, what else can i put on my list?
Just take the hand that’s offered
And hold on tight
This isn’t everything you are