arcadia28: 4 (6)

I think writers are lucky. We're able to get lost in our own story fantasies we imagine in our minds. There is nothing quite like having a spark of an idea for a plot-line, then building upon it with characters and a timeline where everything falls naturally into place. A bit like a jigsaw puzzle. And the thrill of when it all starts to come together, and you just wish so hard it could be real. And then you want to, just from time to time, open up your mind to people so they can watch the stories in your mind unfold, to share them. But it's not possible, so we write what we see instead. Hoping that we can help people imagine what we do, or even better, to inspire them with what they imagine for themselves.

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arcadia28: 4 (2)

I think the cosmos is telling me to go back to bed today lol, earlier i took my melatonin tablets which are designed to help me fall asleep, instead of my migraine tablets by accident. I've never done that before haha. Oops. So now i'm in bed... Early.

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arcadia28: 4 (2)


I've done an updated add-me entry, because it upset me that i was misunderstood as being harsh and demanding - it wasn't my intention. Is this coming across now? :/

my horizon lies a jagged line,
oh i can clearly see,
the mountains that i've yet to climb,
i'll get there if it kills me.

arcadia28: 4 (2)

Hi, i've posted on here a short while ago introducing myself and i got some lovely lj friends from it who are awesome.

As much as i'm proud of the adversities they go through unfortuently some entries have become a trigger for some bad memories.

My triggers drugs, depression and manic depression and eating disorders.

I also have autism which means communication is sometimes hard and i can come across as being blunt, uncaring, etc. but its actually the opposite, i care too much and want to help everyone around me to be happy and ok, so its hard to accept i can't always do that and consequently it makes me worry a lot which doesn't really help anyone lol.

I don't mind being friends with people who do suffer from those 3 things, aslong as they don't make them public entries. I know some people like to be able to relate and talk about it, but it just makes me upset or in the drugs case, annoyed, the only exception is if its medicinal.

Aside from this i put in my journal rants and raves from time to time lol but mostly they're nice entries about things i've done. I read all my friends entries on a daily basis and comment when i feel i have something to say. I'm a writer with an interest in photography, sewing, knitting and jewellery making. I have a rare sleep disorder, which prevents me from working - hence a lot of hobbies :) i have a varied range of pets and am engaged to a wonderful guy :)

I have been through a lot of bad stuff in the past and have been lucky to come through I've all, not without its scars though, but i'm enjoying the long awaited light at the end of the dark tunnel.

So, comments, adds are all welcome. Recently i've been called an asshole, ignorant and uneducated because of all of this, so it'll be interesting to see what happens now i've made this entry explaining a bit. There a more personal view explaining the history behind it that you're welcome to read if you like.

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Mercy

Apr. 24th, 2012 03:00 pm
arcadia28: 4 (2)

Wow, i just got called ignorant and uneducated :s

Haha. Erm. I don't think so. I love how its always the people who ARE ignorant and uneducated that always seem to think that other people are and they're not.

Here's why: i don't like reading on my lj about people cheating on other people. Its just not nice.

And i don't like reading about people enjoying drugs. I get that some people struggle with addictions and i sympathise with that. And also someones who's trying not to do it anymore. But from going out with two people who did weed, they fucked up my relationship with them by being jack asses when they were stoned. And the same with mu friends, when they're gone out with druggies they've all suffered because of it.

I've had depression in the past and it's not something i want thrown in my face day after day, it just rehashes it all up for me. I know people can't help it and we all experience from time to time, but after a while it does grate on you. I'm not meaning to be offensive so i'm sorry and kudos to those who are trying to make themselves come through the fog :) you go guys!
My mum is also bi-polar and i've had to deal with that all my life and with it she would turn from being fine to crying and getting angry with me over nothing an i would get hit around and called every name under the sun and when its all over, she would have memory lapses of what she did.

The 3rd and last thing was weight, i think you're beautiful, honestly and i don't think a single of you guys need to go on a diet. If you were clinically obese then yes, it's certainly a great idea, but you don't need to be a certain size to be beautiful and happy, you just need confidence :) and to realise how perfect you already are. I've been anorexic in the past due to childhood trauma some of it mentioned above and i really salute those who are trying to battle it and i do try to motivate people when they're struggling sometimes isn't want they want and i back off. But it's always to try and help support you in your fight.

All of this apparently makes me a ignorant, arrogant and uneducated, so, friends, romans, countrymen, does it?

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arcadia28: 4 (1)


Is it bad that some nights i just want to sleep alone?

Seriously!

I have trouble sleeping (big surprise :p) and ben does. So consequently he's asleep way before me and he snores, an breathes heavily... Loudly. He also flings his arm about which ALWAYS collides with my head. And he rolls up ALL the duvet around himself leaving me with none. Which is annoying!

To make matters worse it takes me a long time to fall asleep and i get restless, tossing and turning. And i don't like people facing me in bed because i don't like the feeling of their breath on my skin. It makes me tetchy to say the least. So a lot of the time i have to wake him up to turn over which creates a lot of hargy bargy!

And then theres the sweating and the overheating problems!!

Some nights i just tell him to go in the living to sleep on the couch lol and not so shockingly i fall asleep faster. Sadly he gets all aireated about being kicked out of bed he cant get back to sleep, making me feel guilty the next day. Then when he goes back to his flat, i actually breathe a sigh of relaxed relief and go to sleep easier with the comfort of the whole bed and all the duvet to myself. Bliss.

Possible solutions:
Ear plugs
Sleeping bags
A straight jacket
A separate bed

Likelihood that any of these possible solutions will take place: 2%

Ugh.

They said it changes when the sun goes down
Around here

arcadia28: 4 (Default)

Ok, i posted this on fb and god no response (fb is for zombies) soooo, im gonna ask you guys because you're so much cooler and hotter ;D

i'm writing an article for an online magazine (this is what i do now, go me), about awesome unusual pet names, i've already made a list, but i want to include 'other peoples suggestion' at the end to pad it out and spice it up abit, SO does anyone have any suggestions? :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

arcadia28: 4 (Default)

In no certain order:

Drugs
Homophobia
Sexism
Agism
Racism
Cheaters
People who commit crimes
People with anti-social behaviour (that do it on purpose)
Suicide
Attention seeking
Snobbery
Bullying
Cruelty to animals
Arrogance
People who try to help themselves and just end up moaning constantly about how crap there life is.
Fashion slavery
Child slavery
Weightism
















:)

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Wow

Apr. 8th, 2012 12:54 pm
arcadia28: 4 (7)

My birthday yesterday didn't start off so well sadly due to my mum waking me up by ringing my phone to have a go at me about bin bags. Yes - bin bags!! She couldn't find any to empty out the dirty sawdust in the guinea pig cage. So i asked ben and he said that there should be some under the sink. No. None there. So he said oh, we must be out of them then :( and she went BALLISTIC! "why didn't you check before you went away...you should've checked....they're going to have to be left till you come back, rarr rarr rarr blah blah blah"

Well... I just hung up on here then. I was half asleep and the last thing i wanted to hear upon waking up on my day of birth was my mum having a row with me about bin bags of all things!!

Before i went away i really struggle with my sleep disorder, worse than ever, i didn't know when i was going to sleep and wake, much worse than normal where i can kinda gage what part of the day/night i will. When i was younger i was able to come off the melatonin when my sleep pattern slipped and let it advance round to a more suitable part of the day/night to wake/sleep in. But because I've been taken melatonin for so long and i was stressed out by worrying, it wouldn't advance round, it just jumped all over the place.

Luckily it sorted itself out by sunday when i left to come here in cornwall.

But during that 1-2 weeks i couldn't do much, ben pretty much did it all - cleaning the flat, looking after the pets, packing, making sure i was eating right or even eating at all at one point, getting the shopping an pet supplies, etc. all of this whilst working shift work. I did what i could, but ben did the bulk. So i was quite impressed we only forgot the one thing.

Apparently though, it was two things because the heat light in the lizard tank had blown and we should've got a spare in just in case...

That could've been said for many things like, best get a spare fridge in in case my current one broke whilst away (!) but apparently that was being silly... O.o

So anyway, that set me in a bad mood for the first half of the day. I got some lovely presents though all cath kidston and cats themed which was quite funny when opening them all lol.

And then the mines we were going to, shut on saturdays!!! The one day out of the whole week and it had to be that particular day!! The ooonly day!!

So we went to the aquarium instead which was really good, we got to see some really weird and wonderful fish AND a couple of crocodiles and a turtle. The sharks were kool and the octopus and omg i love jellyfish and i got to see some baby ones, omg they were so cuuute.

Then afterwards we went into town and i got a few bits and pieces, including some wool. So am currently knitting a patchwork blanket :)

Also i must. Thank everyone for their lovely bday messages, they really cheered my up yesterday morning, damnit i love you guys!!

Say the first thing that
Comes into your head when you see me
If it looks like it works and it feels like it works
Then it works
With the sun on your face
All these worries will soon disappear
Just follow me now

arcadia28: 4 (6)



Its me birthday todaaaaay and bens cat woke me up with its squawking at the door, gahhh. Had a good dream though where i sang on an outdoor stage to the public, twas nice :) anyway i'm off down a mine today :) whoop. I also made a stuffed owl yesterday which bens mum did most of the work on lol it was really fiddly. But i did some of the. Cutting and sewing, and, and... The picking out of the fabric, yehhhh!!

And ive just noticed ive been friends cutted by someone today, oh how rude - i must be boring lol oh well, love you guys *huge hug*

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arcadia28: 4 (Default)

Munchie has been getting a bit of a fan-base recently, you can add her on fb, https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002258481117 (link as promised)

arcadia28: 4 (Default)

This is my other cat molly. Or as we have come to call her Morry or Morriarty. Shes just over a year old now, we've had her since jan, but shes very quickly established herself in the home and family. Shes a calmer alternative to munchie... Except for when you have food.

Shes a gannet and will pester for food. She sticks her tongue out to meow.

At bedtime she has a routine, when I'm in bed and I'm reading a book with my knees bent, she comes and snuggles up to me on my tummy where she will then fall asleep purring.

This is the only time during the day she will purr.

She is obsessed with bread and have caught her at a packet of bread rolls with her biting away the plastic and eating the roll. This happens frequently. Only just last friday did i catch her skulking out of the kitchen with a pitta bread roll hanging from her mouth.

My only question is, why bread?

Its like with munchie, shes not a huge fan on meat, but she adores fruit. :s

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Urrrrggggh

Mar. 29th, 2012 07:53 am
arcadia28: 4 (Default)

Ehehe had to be done :D
This is my very dignified and very floppy cat munchie.

I say shes floppy as she just like flopping herself down anywhere, like when shes on her scratching post she gets to the point where she cant be bothered to do that standin up so she anchors herself to the post and flops down to continue. When we pick her up, other cats may complain and go rigid, but she purrs and folds up into compact munchie form lol. She also enjoys car journeys - i kid you not!

And she has a proper curly tail that curls round into a spiral when shes happy. She also likes to pretend that shes a squirrels and puffs up her tail and runs up the side of doorways for fun.

She is fascinated by baths, especially bath water - she drips her paws in and also drinks it.

And shes half the size of my other cat, despite her being a year older. She doesnt meow properly either she meows like this:

Purp purp new, purp bip bip

It is rather adorable and also very much easier on the ear than Mollys MEOWWW!! *repeat until desired effect*

Also munchie has a crush on the lizard, if molly dares to go near her, she knocks her away and blocks all access. And she loves to watch ben feed her the crickets - she sits on his shoulder to watch very patiently.

Bless her :)

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arcadia28: 4 (Default)

I am finding it hard not to lose my temper with things arm :/

I know its a hormone thing, but still, its hard controlling it.

For example, today when out feeding the ducks with ben, this group of asian teenagers came and started chasing the swans around and kicked a duck up the bum, laughing a stupid laugh. A real moronic laugh!

So ben yelled "oi" at him and i nearly went ballistic, i called them dickheads and gave them evils, i had to stop myself from marching over to them and having a real go at them. Yeh, ok, they probably wouldn't have understood what i said, but i think they would get the tone and manner, not to mention the enfatic gesturing i would've made. You know what, i should've done it.

It made so angry because the ducks, geese and swans who flock to that park are very good natured and trusting. A lot of people come to the park to feed them. And theres a family of geese who currently go there each day to be fed, they have 4 little baby chicks with them and i worry for the father with people like those guys as if the father goose feels like his family are being threatened he chases the threat away by hissing and charging. The family have come to trust me and ben and come and huddle by us to be fed.

Just makes me so angry because people like that spoils it. We all have fond childhood memories of feeding the ducks as kids. I know i do. But the birds are not going to come to be fed if people like that keep on mistreating them.

Fucking retards! Hate them, hate them, hate them!!!!!

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arcadia28: 4 (Default)

Ok, so, interesting.

Ben told me that when we first started going out i used to be on the pill. My memory is so bad i dont remember these things :/

But when thinking back, the times i didnt have problems with sex - i was on the pill. The times i did have problems - i wasnt on the pill.

This is quite promising! :)

I hate nights, they make me overthink and obsess over things :/

All my worst life decisions have been in made in the dark. Ugh!

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arcadia28: 4 (Default)

I proposed to ben, he said "yes, of course i will".

This is all :D

But i still want him to do the official proposal, complete with ring :p because im such a girl and want the fuss lol.


Il update later on what happened and what prompted it, 1 or 2 people may already know how it came about :) hehe.

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arcadia28: 4 (6)



So

It turns out, getting my freak on was the answer to my problems.

Seriously, dancing around the bedroom to music worked ALOT. Who knew?!

Also the fact ive been organising my travelling britain trip tonight helped. My first place to visit is norwich in norfolk, where i spent two years pretty much living there. I was very happy there and knew a big group of friends. Sadly it didnt last and i stopped going there. I really miss the place and the last few remaining friends who still live there. So thats my first place to go. I think this trip will be good for me. A form of spiritual and emotional healing. Anyone who's visiting or live in england are welcome to join. Find it on facebook, just search for The Big British Trip.
Alternatively if you cant or dont want to join you can still participate in setting challenges or coming up with places to visit :) so its one big fun thing.

I just kinda think, its gonna be incredible and most likely the last holiday il have for the rest of my life before committing myself to a life of dependancy and indignation. One last hoo-rah. I'm changing a lot of things, my hair, my style, getting a tattoo, etc. So yeh, ive hit rock bottom, but its also given me a chance to build myself back up, to adapt to the changes to work into the type of person i need to be. This is my big change that will carry me through the rest of my life. It feels like this is the end, but also the beginning.

Bye bye old life, you served me so well. Its been nuts and crazy. Theres been many mistakes, regrets and heartache. But theres also been some epic moments of shear greatness. But ive grown up now and i need to move on to the next stage. Its going to be hard, but i just cannot stay in the past any longer. All my life up to now i have been fighting for independence, with the choice to live my life as i want it. For the past 6 years i had that. Sadly now i have to let that go.

But this what is going to happen, my one last choice - im going to write and get things published, im going to live with ben and get married even if its on a pig farm with just our family there to witness, we're going to try to adopt a kid and we're going to try to live the rest of our lives as happy as we can. And if that fails, then i will pick myself up and come back to this person that i am, right now and used to be. Because im proud of who i am and what i have done with my life and they will never take THAT away from me.

A warning to the people,
The good and the evil,
This is war.

arcadia28: 4 (2)

I have had a bit of liberation tonight. I was asked to write an article for a new website being built, about different fetishes. Now because growing up i had trouble sleeping must nights ive kinda grown up with watching dodgy kinky sex shows on late night channel 4. Of such i have extensive knowledge on the land of kink lol. So upon writing the article earlier i decided once and for all to face facts and come out finally of being a techo-sexual. Yep my kink is machines and robots. It has been for a long time now and ive kept it hidden because its not the 'norm', but today whilst writing about different fetishes i felt like the time was right and took the plunge. I know its weird and freaky. And i cant explain why i have this kink, but its definently there. Its my main hot rock! Lol so yeh... Phew.... Heh :) ta-dahhh!

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Fraud

Mar. 10th, 2012 12:32 am
arcadia28: 4 (6)

I found a mailing list years ago with i first got diagnosed with n24, that was basically run by people who had either the same or similar condition. This over the years has helped me less alone and given me support and advice. I have also become very much involved with an organisation that sprung out from it in the US. This has helped me have some purpose in my life and ive written a couple of articles for them.

But recently there has been a guy from the uk on the list who claims he has n24 and has approached me about my benefits. What ones do i have, what medical references do i use. He also asked if he could have a copy of one of my hospital letters that explain about my condition but with the personal details taken out. I didnt like that idea and said no. I felt that he wouldve just stuck his name on it and used it for his claim. I gave him a vague description of what was included and told him he should really get his GP to refer him to a proper sleep specialist (he didnt say anythig back about this).

He then also tried to worry me into saying that his claim got denied and i mau have the same problem especially with the asessment interview and they are trying to get as many people back into work as possible. And what to expect. This of course distressed me. Apparently he's won his tribunal by giving an emotional plea of wanting to work. Something i have said many a time in posts, that i think he has used. I do think hes a fraudster looking to get benefits with putting the minimalist work into it. I think he has scoured the list and thought, oh this will be easy. Hes already managed to get some melatonin that i take and he says he can only use it in short durations occasionally. Otherwise he feels sick. I know that if a regular person takes melatonin who doesnt have any sleep problems this can cause a prrson to feel sick as there would be too much melatonin in your body.

It makes me angry that someone can use this condition as an excuse to do little work. To get 'free' money. And to think that hes actually won makes me feel sick.

Im think im going to notify people on the list that i think theres a fraudster on the list and look into the message archive to see if im right and what evidence there is.

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Far Away

Mar. 3rd, 2012 09:19 am
arcadia28: 4 (6)

Yeovil or weymouth are the two places I'm willing to travel to to live with ben if we were to move closer to his hometown of cornwall.

I feel that cornwall which is over 4 hours away (by car) is a bit of a too bigger jump for me to do from living here in my hometown, in which the furthest I've lived away have beeb a couple of towns away and even then i didn't like (though to be fair it was rough where i lived and i was very much alone).

Weymouth and yeovil are both equal distances from there to cornwall or surrey. So i would live two hours away from family and friends here and ben would also live two hours away from his family in cornwall. I think this would be an excellent compromise and its not all one way in favour of one person. I know he misses being back in cornwall and feels like a fish out of water here, but at the same time i would feel the exactly the same way if i lived there.

I was thinking that we could have a couple of weekends away to visit the areas and decide which we like best and has the better potential for us. I would like somewhere close to a lot of shops and where theres a lot of social things going on (lots of groups and clubs to join) - as my priority would be to make friends and have some sort of social life so I'm not housebound all the time - which is a fear I've got of happening again. And for ben it would be about if theres many branches of screwfix there or if theres other job potentials there for him. And obviously our joint priority is for it to be a nice, clean and quiet area.

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arcadia28

November 2012

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