arcadia28: 4 (happy)
Name TEN things for which you are grateful today and tag FIVE others to do the same.

In no particular order...

1. i have fab friends :)
2. i have a wonderful fiancee
3. i have a nice mum....sometimes lol
4. food?
5. buck trying as hard to find us a place to live
6. buck making sure this xmas will be really nice for me
7. buck for paying for our xmas holiday away
8. buck for being as understanding and loving as he is.
9. mike getting my mittens from ebay
10.people selling cheap stuff on ebay :)

and did you know it's national kindness week this week. so i'm setting a challenge for everyone to do something nice for someone else :) be it buying flowers or choccies, giving someone a hug, getting a big issue from the big issue man. etc etc.


Nov. 5th, 2005 08:24 am
arcadia28: 4 (happy)
ok, this will be the last quiz only entry...ish. i know i've changed journals and such...but i feel lonely. and i adore everyone on my list. and it'll just makes things easier, if i stick with this journal :) what you guys think?

>+ Known as: jacy
>+ Lives in: surrey
>+ First Breath: 07/04/1985
>+ School: magna carta
>+ Hair color: ick
>+ Eye color: triple tone
>+ Fears: wasps, dentists and lonliness

>+ Cheated on someone? yeh, but he was a jerk and deserved it
>+ Been Cheated on? yeh, different jerk
>+ Fallen off the bed? ahahahahah, yeh, lots.
>+ broken someone's heart? yeh :( apparently
>+ Had your heart broken? YES, lots of times
>+ Had a dream come true? yeh, i've got buck :D my soulmate
>+ Done something you regret? i'm going with the philosophy, that nothing you do can you regret, because it's all a part of how you live and who you are and mistakes and in life it happens.
>+ Cheated on a test? no

>+ Wearing? rollneck sleevless purple top, striped orage, red, brown and stone hoodie, and my huge flare jeans. so 70's lol
>+ Listening to? some cartoon on tv
>+ Located? in my bedroom
>+ Chatting with? no one :( mikes buggered off somewhere
>+ Watching? some naff action cartoon
>+ Should REALLY be doing? dancing in my nuddy pants :D

>+ Brush your teeth? yeh, trying to take more better care for my teeth now.
>+ Like anybody? i like everybody whether they like me back or not :)
>+ Have any piercing? yeh my ears
>+ Drive? Nope
>+ Drink? Occasionaly
>+ Smoke? occasionaly
>+ Got a pager? No

>+ Who is your best? i have many lol, me lucky
>+ Who do you hate? i only hate one person in this world, and that's james, i swear if you ever met him, you know what i'm going on about.
>+ Who is the shyest? buck can be quite shy
>+ Who is the most talkative? katy lol
>+ Who is the prettiest? j (he's gorge :D)
>+ Who laughs the most? chanty
>+ Who have you known the longest? dani
+ Who have you known the shortest? i spose j, but i feel like i've known him for ages
>+ Who do you miss the most? everyone
>+ Who you go to with personal problems? buck, j, sarah, oh sarah a brilliant person to go to, becasue she's crazy and will make you crazy too lol
>+ Do you hang out with the opposite sex?yep :)
>+ Do you trust your friends? most
>+ Can you keep a secret? no lol, not really lol

>+ Hugged? buck
>+ IMed? Mike
>+ Talked on the phone? buck
>+ Yelled at? mike lol hehehehe

>+ What do you want to be when you grow up? cattery owner and poet :)
>+ What has been the best day of your life? getting purposed to
>+ What comes first in your life? buck and friends :)
>+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? yeh
>+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed? sleeeeeeeeeep
>+ How many times have you fallen in love? lots lol
>+ Love your family? yeh, though i don't think they love me, by how they act and what they say :(
>+ Love your friends? yep, very much

>+ Movie: at the mo i dunno
>+ Song: duno lol
>+ Groups: cursive, further seems forever, bleed the dream, etc etc
>+ Store: duno, somewhere cheap and kool
>+ Relative: duno
>+ Sport: badminton
>+ Ice Cream: choc chip
>+ Fruit: grapes
>+ Candy: choccy (expensive choccy)
>+ Holiday: Christmas
>+ Day of the Week: friday
>+ Time of day: afternoon
>+ Color: grey
>+ Name for a Girl: jessica
>+ Name for a Boy: gabriel
>+ Quote: the truth will set you free

>+ Like to give hugs? yep
>+ Like to give kisses? yep
>+ Like to walk in the rain? sometimes :)
>+ Prefer black or blue pens? black
>+ Like to travel? yeh
>+ Sleep on your side, tummy or back? side
>+ Think you're attractive? no
>+ Have a goldfish? No
>+ Ever have the falling dream? yeh and it makes me jump myself awake :S
>+ Have stuffed animals? tonnes, i can never get rid of them, i cry :">

>+ Abortion: depends on the circumstances and the women
>+ Smoking: it's bad for you, but it's your choice
>+ Eating Disorders: don't suffer by yourself, tell people and seek help and don't give up getting better. i've been there, i know how hard it is.
>+ Suicide: it's not worth it. it causes more heartache than you know.
>+ Summer: it's ok when it's a comfortable heat, but when it gets too unbearable, then i don't liek it, that and wasps, eurgh. spawn of beezlebub lol
>+ Tattoos: i love tattoos
>+ Piercings: nice :)

>+ Pierced nose or tongue? Nose
>+ Single or taken? Taken
>+ MTV or BET? MTV
>+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek? Dawsons creek I spose as I've never heard of 7th heaven
>+ Sugar or salt? Sugar
>+ Silver or gold? Silver
>+ Chocolate or flowers? choccy
>+ Color or Black-and-white photos? Black and white
>+ Stay up late or sleep in? Sleep in. staying up late is so lonely
>+ Hot or cold? Cold
>+ Sun or moon? moon
>+ Left or Right? left
>+ 10 Acquaintances or one best friend? one best friend, what's the point in having acquaintances if you can't talk properly with them
>+ Mustard or ketchup? ketchup
>+ Spring or Fall? fall
>+ Happy or sad? Happy
>+ Wonder or amazement? wonder, it lasts longer :)
>+ McDonald's or Burger King? maccy d burgers or nuggets and burger king fries :)
>+ Mexican or Italian food? italian
>+ Lights on or off? on, i don't like the dark
>+ Pepsi or Coke? coke
arcadia28: 4 (angry)
i've having troubles with buck. basically this week, i've been v mooky coz ive been worried about the hospital appointment and because of just living here, which is normal. and i thought buck would come down and cheer me up, like he normally does. but thoughtout the days he was down, he kept moaning, and stressing, and just being not nice. its like he got really aggressive in the woking car park when i wouldnt ask some couple if they were leaving or not. but i wouldnt coz i could already tell they were. and he got really agressive about it. then like last night he moaned that i don't ask ppl in shops for things i cant find that i want. i dont do things myself. which made me feel lousy. coz i cant help it. i dont like being outside at the best of times, coz im trying to battle my agorphobia ive got. and i'm not used to being outside and out amongst ppl i dont know. and then he said last night i've changed since he met me. i was more happy and upbeat and lively. but the thing was, i had just left a really bad relationship where i was pretty much shitted on all the time. and it was my first bit of freedom in years. *cries* i could go out and go on dates. i didnt have any ties or anything. and then i met buck and i fell madly in love with him. but now....i love him alot. but....i don't wanna be in another relationship where i feel shit all the time. it's like i hardly see him. and i'm just tired of long distant realtionships. i thought it would be better because he has a car, so we could see each other alot. but we don't. which i know isn't his fault. i just am starting to feel maybe i'm not good enough for him. but...i don't know what to do. i wanna go back to the girl buck fell for, when we were dating. where are my friends when i need them?

p.s. i'm tired of lying just to keep ppl happy, and ok. i just wanna be me. i try my best when it comes to other ppl, but it never works it seems.

i know not to run away from problems. and i know couple go through problems and stuff. and its a aprt of growing and stuff in the relationship. i guess we see how these months go till the end of the year. then see how it goes basically. i'm not gonna make the same mistake twice.

EDIT: i've talked to ppl and they all agree it sounds like i'm in a v dark place, myself. and its affecting those around me. so i'm going to brighton soon, for a break away. for a few days. just need a lil space at the moment, and sweetie if you're reading this, please dont get meepy. it's just a load of shit in my head. and i needed to write it down. i just wanna get better. none of this is your fault. and i'm sorry ive made you feel crappy lately with my weirdness.
arcadia28: 4 (happy)
so...finally got here and life away from home for a few days is fab. and i have been shopping like a mad irish woman. i love irish so dont have a go at me :P. i have managed to get excel saga vol. 5 on dvd also ring 2 on dvd too, all for 5 pounds each, bargain! also i have new fone, its like bucks but a newer version with cam, yay. ermmmm and i cant remeber what else i got. lol but thats typical. oh... i got a nice purple butterfly clip thingie. woop. and i met bucks uncle, who's kool and his wife. and i have just found out that they used to be high school sweethearts, and they got married 3 years ago, how schweeeeet. also today i had j ring buck and we all had a quick chat with him, and i send my love. :) i need to get my new dancemat 2muro when i get home :) ermmm and ive gotta set summin up with sarah and/or ruth to go see madagascar at the cinema in staines. oh yeh and bowling, i met some more of bucks mates and i tlked to buddha and yay, im liked. though i was knackered yesterday and nerly didnt go at all. so yeh i met graham aswell and we got on v v well. ooo just stinky kittied in bucks chair teehheehee. so yeh anyway.....ermm we went to tescos and i got some yums yums. hehehe so all in all fun day :D have made up with peeps aswell.

oh yeh and i accidently sat in bird poop in the norwich city market. on the stone ledge *Embarrased*
arcadia28: 4 (happy)
right....well, i wrote a better poem for j....coz at the mo, he's blue, but dealing with things, which is good. v v v good. so here it is..

oh its long by the way lol


When the glitter fades
Around your eyes
Where will you be
Where will you go
Who will be there
By your side
Wiping up your tears within

Don't cry to be seen
Would you rather be happy
In the shadow
Or unhappy in crowds of ppl

And under your blemished crown
We see the truth
Your perfection
In your naked soul

Yet you hide
And hide somemore
What's left
Hidden inside
That even you can't

No misconceptions
No lies
Or tales of happiness

Unused tales of love
Seem all to swept up
In years of torment

You hold a song in your heart
The describes a bitter side of you
One of sorrow and pain
But whisper a different tune
And place a skip in your step
Because soon it'll be over
And everything you coulda done
Is lost in one blink of your eye

See the child
See the boy
See the girl
Then see yourself
Standing beside them
And know you have a place
In this world

Your trust has been hanging
On that tree for too long
That wall has been stained
With blood for too many years
Where are the fond memories
Lost in the recesses of your mind

You past is gone
Lost in hurt
In bottles of tears
That youve collected for years
And every year you punish youself
For forgetting that someone
Thought you weren't perfect

But you are
Just look inside
And see
What i see

Because you don't need to be held up
But you can if he wanted to
Because forever
I know
I'll behind your back
Ready to catch you when you fall
When this world gets to much
When the pain gets unbearable
Or your mind falls apart
I'll help you find your pieces

I know
And i still love you.
arcadia28: 4 (happy)
so i might be moving into norwich sooner than i thought. im looking at before sept. but still it seems things are moving, monday im going to norwich to see ppl. having a mini holiday. then aug, have holiday somewhere. i know j's busy so i know he probably wouldnt have asked his aunt? gran? either one about the caravan in the middle of no where lol but it doesnt matter.. ME GOING TO SCOTLAND INSTEAD!!! yes, finally it looks like i might be able to go. yay. i loooove scotland. with the sheep...yeee-ahhh. in true farmer fashion. lol. then in september proper house search just me and buck. but yeh, at the mo, its houseshare. maybe with katy and her bf mic, coz he lives in london at the mo....bit like me. but i live outside london. not that far, mind. so woop. seen hundreds, so yeh, ther are some about. ao yay :D. but yeh, tlks will commense on monday. eeeeeeeeee i cant wait

oh and i swallowed by pride and nerves.
knowing im probably gonna get some sort of rejection from this
but ive added claire again of my friends list

some may think im crazy
but i cant help it

again, i ask myself why
she dont like me
neither does mel for some reason aswell

what the hell have i done??
its just like randomly they hate me
i mean ok, fair enough i blocked claire on msn
but that was out of jealousy. coz i was still in love with her
and she was going on about stu all the time
and it got to me
but im deeply in love with buck
v v v v v much

heh, its funny, what katy said...
Melted Charcoal: i miss sarah :( (claimed and engaged to the buck) with buck, we just fit and we tlk about everything and anything for hours on end

Melted Charcoal: i miss sarah :( (claimed and engaged to the buck) :and we share alot in common and he's the most genuine guy i know

·$6~*Fallen*~ ·$#8000FF... -:~DAWN~:-.Defences around Byzantium. ·$#EC00EC| It's unclear about how we met. | lol, i know buck a lil, and i swear you guys are the same! you both get along so well, and you just cant get enough of each other. i love seeing you two together, coz you blatently appreciate each other. i hate couples who fight all the time

true, i do adore the sockpuppet. hehehehehe. so cute. heheeheh.
but yeh i felt happy and kinda guru-ie today. and i...i duno..i was just woke up thinking of todd....its coming up to that time soon. but itll be better this year. mmmmm. and i'll be moved by then. so it eases it better, if im away from surrey. to many memories. not good. drives me crazy.
arcadia28: 4 (Default)
ahhhhh need the loo....

bastard dad going to bed early so im gona have my telly switched off for a lil while till he gts into bed then il turn it on, mwahahahah. but yeh watching family guy earlier made me think about buck more *everyone rolls their eyes* i no i no but he is my life and love of it aswell. i soooo love my panther poster really want the lesbian on a bed kissing one ive seen everywhere but i dont think my parents would b too plzed plus it would bring too many questions up.

ive eaten all my bourbon biccies, theyre actually quite addictive i hate the biccy part but love the paste but i guess thats a normal thing. meh.

ahhh i was watching 28days with sandra bullock, i love her, shes sooo brilliant as an actress, i love the ways she looks, i really wish i looked like her she is really pretty specially her eyes, now ppl who really no me, know that i have a huuuge fetish for eyes. specially blue eyes but meh, thats just off topic tlk, ermm yes i love her eyes. and i want a poster of her.

hint for ppl who r racking their brains for xmas pressie for moi, get poster :D

really looking forward to moving out next year, found out loads of stuff that i need to consider and it all clicks and i feel ready and confident about moving know, not like iuo....wots the word.....iuo, but i felt unconfident, thats it UNSURE, yes i was a lil unsure bout moving coz it sounded so complicated but man oh man i love connexions sometimes, crappy at gtting jobs, but in other things they are really helpful.

ive noticed lately i am day dreaming alot, just staring out windows or just comepletely zooming out and then coming bak with a bump, its quite unnerving

also i read in a mag today, fashion mag of all mags, before you start bitching i was waiting ther today in the waiting room for an hour i was boooored. but yeh it was an article about bushs war on women i love the womens slogan to protest with


love it lol. but yes me gt moneys tomurrow, yaaay lol, gotta see how much me gts lol. probably not much :( no good government benefit scheme.

i was thinkign today about mine and bucks wedding someday, still aint sunk in bout the engagement but i guess soon it will...
....oh btw i wont gt the ring till next week coz they was a mistake on the form :( booo, crappy company, soon i swear i will convert to living in the woods and communing with animals.

but anyway, wedding....i was thinking bout the party that you normally get after it and i was thinking bout allll the drunk ppl ther....could turn ugly lol hehheheh.

oh and another thing ive found my head bridesmaid *drum roll*......RUTH :D
congrats girl, oh and all my other brides maids and that you can wear dresses or suits, but the suits have to b white or cream, dresses can b white or cream again.

im still not sure about the colour of my dress, coz wel if we gt it done in winter i might go for white. but thats traditional and abit too traditionally but i was thinking of wearing knee high boots underneath and having an slit at the front of the skirt so you can see them, i fort that would b quite kool, coz i might have short hair then, boyish type style. eheeheh, iuo, but then i was thinking well if it was gonna b autumn which would b nice, then mayb a gold or bronze or even olive green, but i hate green so mayb not. or even cream. cream caould b nice coz i have such a pale complexion and i dont think thats gonna change any time soon. ive already gt an idea for photographer, my v own buddy photographer....CHANTAL!! yes i have volunteered her for that and she cant say no!!!


arcadia28: 4 (Default)

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