Apr. 2nd, 2012

Brave Face

Apr. 2nd, 2012 11:23 am
arcadia28: 4 (1)

I'm in sunny cornwall.

I've been struggling with 'being normal'. I don't know if bens parents know that i've been suspected as having autism. Or even how they would react to me if they did. His sister is a nurse who has worked with children who have autism. 

But basically i'm bit uncomfortable at the moment, because i'm on tiptoes around them, trying to not say anything wrong or weird. 

Some of you may think i'm being silly but well....when i first met his parents, i came down to cornwall to spend christmas with the family and upon watching the nativity, i blurted out that i thought jesus was actually an alien in disguise like E.T. just with better camouflage.

...His mum is a devout christain. I can still picture bens face now. Thankfully that hasn't put her off me lol and it's now become something to bring up and joke about with ben and our friends. 

But i was so mortified when ben told me afterwards.

And i find it hard understanding his dad and i don't know how to talk to him. And sometimes i think i offend him when he speaks to me and i don't respond - it's only that either i don't hear him, understand him or don't know he's talking to me. I'm quite timid around them. And also worry that they think i'm weird or rude. 

Generally because i don't look someone in the face when i talk to them and i prefer to hide upstairs and be by myself, to be myself, to relax. Because it's like being in a very uncomfortable shoe that doesn't fit you properly, but you got to wear it. And at the end of the day all you want to do is take it off and slip into a comfy pair of slippers that are moulded to your feet. 

Normally i just follow ben around like his little shadow, but occasionally he goes off with a parent and i'm left behind with the other. 

I also have a horrible habit of not knowing when to start and finish conversations and how to start/finish convos. 

But thankfully, a lot of the time we go out and do various stuff like feeding the squirrels in the woods or going to touristy places, etc.

Food time is probably the worst, as i'm a fussy eater. I do try new foods, but when i don't like it, i can't then finish eating it otherwise it makes me feel sick. 

Any tips?

Put your brave face on
The one you wore when you stole my heart
Won't you hold my hand
We'll jump together into anything that could
Possibly happen


arcadia28: 4 (Default)

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