Feb. 21st, 2012

arcadia28: 4 (4)

WARNING: this entry may upset if offend some people.

Let me begin with a snippet from my past, i was in an abusive relationship at the age of 17/18 and it lasted for 9 months. I was abused mentally and sexually. This was with my first boyfriend.

Ive had boyfriend after boyfriend who have treated me wrong in one way or another and it has defiantly taken its toll on me.

In the near 9 years of dating i have only had 2 boyfriends who have treated me correctly and nicely. One of which I'm still with, thankfully :)

Unfortuently i still hold many scars from those toxic relationships, and of which i have developed a coping mechanism to protect myself from others who could hurt me and make me feel they way i did back then. Its hard to believe people when they're being honestly nice and don't want to hurt you in any way, because even the people who do hurt you always tell the don't want to and wont ever hurt you.

I cried today when i told ben all this, and his reply was 'you gotta start seeing and believing the good in some people, otherwise they've won, those bad people have won'.

He was right and spot on and i sobbed "how can you tell the difference between someone fucking with your head and someone who isn't". Its all I've ever known.

Ben is a good person, that i have come to have trust in. But at the same time theres always that thought in the back of my head that it cant be real, he's not true. That he will do something.

I believe one day these scars will start to disappear, but for the moment these scars are very deep and very prominent in me.

Is it too late

Nothing to salvage
You look away
Clear all the damage


arcadia28: 4 (Default)

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