I've been thinking about kids, and i don't know if i want to have a baby. The whole birthing process really freaks me out and kinda makes me a have a panic attack to even think about lol. I've been advised that i can opt for cersarian, but i'm also worried about conception. I've miscarried before, once and was diagnosed with having poly-cystic ovaries, which makes it hard to conceive. Also my neurological disorder also has an impact in the respect of it affecting hormones. I've mentioned it to ben and he said that we'll discuss things when the time comes and not to worry, because there's always the option to adopt.
I do like the adoption idea, giving a kid a second chance at having a loving family. And even though they may not come from my flesh and blood, they would still be my child.
My dad and grandad grew up in care, so i think it would be kinda nice to do something to honor that aswell. In some way.
Still here in this quiet room
Deep in delusion sending me over
Outside watch the world go by
Inside time stands still as i wonder
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