It turns out, getting my freak on was the answer to my problems.
Seriously, dancing around the bedroom to music worked ALOT. Who knew?!
Also the fact ive been organising my travelling britain trip tonight helped. My first place to visit is norwich in norfolk, where i spent two years pretty much living there. I was very happy there and knew a big group of friends. Sadly it didnt last and i stopped going there. I really miss the place and the last few remaining friends who still live there. So thats my first place to go. I think this trip will be good for me. A form of spiritual and emotional healing. Anyone who's visiting or live in england are welcome to join. Find it on facebook, just search for The Big British Trip.
Alternatively if you cant or dont want to join you can still participate in setting challenges or coming up with places to visit :) so its one big fun thing.
I just kinda think, its gonna be incredible and most likely the last holiday il have for the rest of my life before committing myself to a life of dependancy and indignation. One last hoo-rah. I'm changing a lot of things, my hair, my style, getting a tattoo, etc. So yeh, ive hit rock bottom, but its also given me a chance to build myself back up, to adapt to the changes to work into the type of person i need to be. This is my big change that will carry me through the rest of my life. It feels like this is the end, but also the beginning.
Bye bye old life, you served me so well. Its been nuts and crazy. Theres been many mistakes, regrets and heartache. But theres also been some epic moments of shear greatness. But ive grown up now and i need to move on to the next stage. Its going to be hard, but i just cannot stay in the past any longer. All my life up to now i have been fighting for independence, with the choice to live my life as i want it. For the past 6 years i had that. Sadly now i have to let that go.
But this what is going to happen, my one last choice - im going to write and get things published, im going to live with ben and get married even if its on a pig farm with just our family there to witness, we're going to try to adopt a kid and we're going to try to live the rest of our lives as happy as we can. And if that fails, then i will pick myself up and come back to this person that i am, right now and used to be. Because im proud of who i am and what i have done with my life and they will never take THAT away from me.
A warning to the people,
The good and the evil,
This is war.